Oops, I did it again. I forgot to tell work that I had an orthodontist appointment this morning. So I find myself, once again, calling in at 7:30am to tell them I will be in a little late. "It should only take about 15 minutes" I told them. "it's a routine appt."...
I arrive 15 minutes early with hopes of being called before the other 8:30 appointment folks. Hooray, they take me right away! The woman who will be working on me has a high frequency of making me bleed and causing a little pain, so I brace myself. She removes my top wire with little to no problem and I am thanking God all the way. She is, however, having much trouble getting the new, thicker, stronger, wire to go into the slots in the back. It begins to hurt...she tells me to shift my head. (for anyone who was not fortunate enough to be blessed with a metallic smile, let me let you in on a small pet peeve I have. Every time you go for an appointment, the technician will inevitably lodge your head in their torso to brace you, thus ruining any type of hairstyle you had when you entered the building and ultimately giving you the
Derelique look as you exit) I digress. Anyway, the doctor comes over and tries his hand at the wire...no luck. As he is trying to shove it in place, I see a small white fleck jump out of my mouth. I look at him and see his reaction. He just puts his head down and sighs deeply. Uh oh, I think. This is not a good reaction. I inquire. He responds that he just broke a piece off one of my ceramic braces....drats. Now, I''l be like 15 more minutes. The technician comes over ready to remove the remaining pieces and says "ummmm, doctor D? You actually chipped the brace on her front tooth too. Are you kidding me? 2 braces? broken? This will be a 1/2 hour for sure.
I have never had ceramic braces before, so I was unaware of how they are removed. Metal braces are pryed off and come off all at once. Ceramic braces break (obviously) and therefore come off in pieces. They will, however, try to pry off if they can. So he tried. He tried so hard, that I raised my knees and flailed my arms (scaring all of the 10 year olds in the place) begging him to stop. I was convinced he actually ripped out my front tooth. I was holding back the tears.
Fine, so that was unsuccessful. He then says he will "dremmel" off the rest with an electric tool. OK, that shouldn't be so bad. I am wearing the safety glasses I was given and again...brace myself. 3 minutes into this escapade, I feel a hot shard fly UNDER my safety glasses and go into my eye. I yell. "Stop!Stop! It's in my eye!" They stop and proceed to fish out the piece. At this point I don't see how it can get any worse. They finish that, shove the wire through (part way and cut the rest off) and now all the tech needs to do is re-tie the rubber bands. The end is sight and I can feel it! She is attaching the bands and I feel her poke me with the very sharp hook-like tool. I bleed. She tries again to get it over my gum. She misses and pokes. I bleed again. This goes on twice more before she gets the doctor. By the time he comes over, my gum is so swollen, nothing is getting around it. He actually has the nerve to say to me that I need to brush more b/c my gum is swollen and red. I tell him he would be swollen and red too if I poked him with a sharp stick in his stomach repeatedly. He agrees. I leave. Fresh air at last. It is now 9:20. I get to the car and notice that my cheek is stuck on a brace. "What the?" They had forgotten to trim up one side of the wire and it was like a quarter inch long. So I go back and they fix it. I am done with this!!!! I ask the doc how much longer till I can have these things removed for good. He says 6 more months. What??? You see, I was originally told 12-18 months. Once his "6 month" timeline is up, it will have been 30 months. (not what I had signed up for) Grrr to braces and Grrrr to them.
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Apparently, we are no longer family (or they just would have crossed out "friends.") We are also not considered friends, because that is crossed out. So the greeting actually reads Dear Family and Kevin Maria"....hmmmm. Ok, so I can deal with that. Maybe it's a mistake, maybe it's a subtle hint. Whatever the reason, I kept reading...because let's be honest, I still care about them and want to know what's going on in their lives. So I read on....and on...until I come to the end of this festive, yet somehow suspicious, Christmas letter. May I now present exhibit B...the closing. Keep in mind that the people writing this are my aunt and uncle. My REAL aunt and uncle, my father's brother and his wife, so...my blood relatives. Note the signatures. Now note the quotations. .JPG)
I have never laid claim to be a grammer expert ( I leave that Gramma Jean), but something about the placement of those quotation marks does not give me warm fuzzies. Since when did they become my "Quote-Aunt-and-Uncle?" Do they know something I don't? Is there a family secret hidden deep within the depths of this correspondence? I shudder at the possibility. 
