Mom Interrupted

We are currently on a ride. A ride that seemingly has no end. Some may call it an emotional roller coaster, but really, it feels more like an emotional rocket ship. Going from zero to a thousand in a heartbeat, and back again. A while ago, we heard the words that many couples long to hear..."Congratulations! You're going to have a baby." This week, our tentative flickers of hope were extinguished, and in a instant, it all changed. Our precious little one left us and joined the angels above. For anyone who has not had the unfortunate destiny to experience a loss like this, let me tell you that there is no other way to explain it other than it just plain sucks. It hurts, it feels bad, and it just plain sucks. You try to lean towards your spouse, but no matter how hard he tries, he just cannot imagine what it feels like to physically carry this burden. He means well, but each time he asks if you are OK or if you need anything, you burst into tears. You want something. You want nothing. You have no idea what you want. You cry, you mourn, you grieve, you cry again. And just when you think you can put on a small smile, you use the restroom and are painfully reminded of the situation. You cry, you mourn, you grieve, you cry again. You breathe. You repeat. I have faith that this process will eventually lessen in intensity, both physically and emotionally. Life will eventually return to normal, or some variation there of. But for now, we mourn. We cry, we grieve, and we mourn. If you are reading this and had no prior knowledge of the situation, please tread lightly and do not take it personally that we didn't share this with you. This news was not shared with many. Writing is cathartic for me and is helpful in moving forward through this experience. Please send prayers and thoughts, rather than phone calls or visits. Talking about anything without tears is difficult. Talking about this without tears is impossible.