Battles on the Blood Bus

This week I did something that I have never done before.....I donated blood. With a little convincing from a few co-workers, I decided that there is no reason I shouldn't. So without an excuse I crossed the street from work and went over to the medical examiner's building where the infamous "Blood Bus" was parked. I always wondered what it looked like in there, but was always too afraid to venture. Images of gargantuan needles pranced in my head.

When I boarded the blood bus, it was cool and nicely air-conditioned. I figured they had to do this because of the number of people who likely pass out from donating. I was pretty sure that I would only be giving one pint, but I couldn't be certain because on their website and their donor cards, it asks you "number of gallons donated." What?? Gallons? I know I am not a small person, but surely I couldn't spare a gallon...

When I got on the bus, they wooed me with a 5$ giftcard to Qdoba and an entry form for a free vacation. My suspicions grew. Why are they doing this? I felt the temperature in bus rise a little. (thank God for AC) Next, I needed to fill out a computerized questionnaire that asked everything from my experience with drug users to my recent travel plans. Strange, but I knew it had a purpose. I must have been nervous because when they went over my answers with me (in a VERY tiny room) I had apparently put down that I was in the military and had Hepatitis... neither of which is true. So after that was all cleared up, I got a finger prick (ouch) to test my iron level. It's normally low, but I guess my double cheeseburger the night before helped to boost it to passing level. I was now officially ready to donate.

The phlebotomist called my name. I layed in a very comfortable S-shaped chair/couch thingy so they could access my apparently beautiful arm veins. She cleaned the area, and then showed my the needle....Uhhhhhh, I wanted to run off the bus, but knew it was too late. Then she did something that was probably uncalled for. Since I was wearing a white shirt, she told me "Uh-Oh, you're wearing white. I have terrible luck with people who wear white. Blood tends to splatter." SPLATTER? How the hell does that happen? Oh -God please help me. So she counted from one to three and I turned my head. Just as I did that, she says "Argggg, I knew that would happen!!!" I look over and there is blood all over me. Up my arm, on my shirt, all over. I yell (not appreciated). I say "what are you doing?" (also not appreciated). She cleans me up and the bag begins to fill....very quickly. I'm a juicy one, they say. She gives me soda to sip so I won't get woozy. I proceed to spill it on my new white blouse. People are laughing. As soon as the bag is filled, I get to pick a color bandage for the hole in my arm and then I am allowed to go to the back of the bus and pick out some snacks and a free backpack. More free stuff? This is awesome.

Anyway, the experience wasn't as horrific as I imagined but still inevitably complicated and comical. All in all, I helped save 3 lives, so it was well worth it!