First Day Fires

Mmmmm. Where do I begin? My first day at VCU. Yes, Monday was my first day and it was definitely a memorable one. It began with some rain and a 15 minute walk from the car to work....and a forgotten umbrella. It ended with rain and the same walk and the same lack of umbrella. What happened in between would ONLY happen to me.

I am filling in as a genetic counselor for a woman who is going out on maternity leave soon (and I stress the "soon" part). I was praying very hard that she would be there Monday to orient me at least for one whole day to the job that she has been doing for years and to the job that I haven't been doing for over a year. For anonymity sake, let's call her Bambi....don't ask why...maybe it's her doe-eyes. Anyway, I was elated to see her Monday still looking very pregnant. As we sat down and went over ALL that I will be doing for the next 13 weeks, a frightening sound was heard. It was, inevitably, the ever pleasant, ear piercing, "are you awake now?" sound of the fire alarm. The fire alarm?? Are you effing kidding me? For real? As you can clearly read, I am upset. Let's examine why....first, we are on the 11th story of the building, next- we are not allowed to take the elevators, and lastly- Bambi is like a thousand months pregnant will likely now give birth in a smokey stairwell. Naturally I forget about the possibility of burning or becoming a midwife, and immediately think selfish thoughts....like...Great! Now I have no one to show me the ropes and I will have to flounder for my first 2 weeks here!!!.....I know. I know. I'm awful. At least I accept that.

Poor Bambi has to pee to top it all off and is huffing an puffing down to the ground level. We make it out of the building, and then are quickly told we can go back in. After a quick pitstop to the ladies room, Bambi is with me again and we hail the elevator. Life goes as planned up on the 11th floor for another hour, until..............

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppp. What the? Another effing fire drill? This has got to be some sort of cruel joke. Off we go. At this point I have accepted the fact that I will likely have to catch Bambi's newborn son as the constant bouncing from the stairs sends her staright into labor. I keep checking on her as I hear her breathing picking up pace....oh wait, that was MY breathing. Wow, I'm out of shape. OK. Focus....Bambi. We make it down the 11 or so stories and Bambi decides she needs to go straight to clinic to see her patients. I am comforted that at least she is IN or NEAR the main hospital should anything happen.

Nothing DID happen, but before we left for the evening, she did give me a hug in case I didn't see her again and she delivered that night.

On a random note, as I look at Bambi and how it appears as if she has swallowed a VolksWagon, I cannot help but wonder....What on Earth are all these shows on Discovery Health that are about the countless women who do not realize they are pregnant unitl they are delivering a baby or two? I mean, I just don't get it....